There are many reasons why people get upset when they see those of their ethnicity in relationships with others. Some are prejudice or have issues with interracial dating in general. Others have a problem with those that EXCLUSIVELY date outside of their race. Race-based dating exclusivity communicates to those of your own culture that they’re not good enough for you and that there’s something wrong with them. That’s hurtful. It’s like you’re disavowing your own culture. You might ask “what’s wrong with having a preference?” exclusively dating one race is PASSED a preference. Exclusivity is strict and unwavering. Exclusivity is “I ONLY date__________ people.”
As a black woman, I’ve come across many black men who only date Caucasian, Asian, or Hispanic women for various reasons such as “I’m not attracted the features of black women,”“black women have bad attitudes” and “I haven’t had good experiences with black women.” When physical features are mentioned, it perplexes me because most people of the same race have similar features. It makes me want to ask “Are you not attracted to yourself then?” Also, their mothers, sisters and cousins are black women with “those features.” Do they think their family is ugly too? They came from a black woman and yet, a black woman isn’t suitable enough to date. As for “bad attitudes,” bad apples are on every tree. ANY person of ANY race can have a bad attitude. “Bad experiences” may be the result of not surrounding yourself with quality black women.
Taking another look at exclusivity rationales, statements like “they have bad attitudes” or “I’ve had bad experiences with them” are based on stereotypes and unjust bias. Are you really going to judge an ENTIRE race of people because of a small few? Majority of race-based dating choices link back to stereotypes, unjust bias, prejudice and/or racism. One has to analyze what thoughts or feelings lead to dating preferences and exclusivity based on ethnicity. People usually make preferences because of things they don’t like. I prefer to date someone who enjoys Beyonce` versus hates Beyonce`, because those that are anti-Beyonce` tend to annoy me. So what is it that you don’t like about a certain race that you prefer another? And what is the root of your dislike? Are you sure that it isn’t a stereotype or prejudice?
I have a few different reasons of why I don’t care for pornography, but my central beef is that it’s very one sided. Let’s face it; most pornography is designed to attract and entertain men. The issue with this is that if it caters to one audience, what a person is going to view will primarily be from one perspective. Sex is a SHARED experience. It takes two people to have sex and both partners
desire satisfaction, regardless of their gender. That being said, our sexual media should be more inclusive. Men tend to internalize what they see in pornography, and if porn is one sided, they’ll be bringing that one-sided perspective to the bedroom. NO GO. That doesn’t work. Am I the only one that feels this way? To find out what my other (and more graphic) beefs are with porn, hit the “Contact/Info” tab and I’ll gladly email you back and tell you lol.
It used to upset me when politicians say bigoted or hateful things about various groups of people, but now I can appreciate blatantly prejudice remarks, because at least I know where that specific politician stands. When politicians try to disguise or sugarcoat their biased views, I think it’s that much more insulting because now you’re lying, trying to deceive people and cowardly hiding your opinion.
Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam signed a law that would prohibit local governments from creating their own anti-discrimination laws. This decision came after the city of Nashville formed an ordinance that restricts employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Haslam’s spokesman, David Smith, told “The Tennessean”: “Through the legislative process, (Haslam) expressed concerns about the state telling local governments what to do, but he also had concerns about local governments telling businesses what to do, especially the potential burden on small businesses…Ultimately, he felt the Metro ordinance went further than federal law in regulating business policies.”
Not only was Haslam too much of a coward to address “The Tennessean” himself, he hid his prejudice against the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community under the guise of protecting businesses from government. He’s concerned about “local government telling businesses what to do?” Really? There are multiple state laws that “tell businesses what to do,” including not discriminating based on sex and race, among other things. Why have anti-discrimination laws for one group, but not another? Oh, I remember, because Haslam is prejudice against the LGBT community. I would slightly respect Haslam more if had a just came out and said “I think businesses should be able to not hire a homo if they don’t want to.” Be ballsy with your homophobia, please.
On another note, when it comes to LGBT employment discrimination, we have slightly bigger fish to fry as a culture. As it currently stands, there are no nationwide anti-discrimination employment laws for this community. That means, unless you have an awesome lawyer and a supportive court, you’re going to have a hard time obtaining damages as a victim. For all of those bigots out there, that fact is a gift. For those who believe in human rights, support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), a circulating congress bill that has yet to pass.
Singer Rihanna is a poster child for how we view and respond to abuse in this country. In her latest music video, “Man Down,” Rihanna is sexually assaulted and later shoots her attacker in the head. The Parents Television Council (PTC), along with organizations, Enough is Enough and Industry Ears, are petitioning to get the video pulled from television, citing that the murder sequence is too graphic (view the video below). Here are the official statements from the organizations:
“Rihanna’s personal story and status as a celebrity superstar provided a golden opportunity for the singer to send an important message to female victims of rape and domestic violence. Instead of telling victims they should seek help, Rihanna released a music video that gives retaliation in the form of premeditated murder the imprimatur of acceptability. The message of the disturbing video could not be more off base…We call on Viacom to immediately stop airing the video.”-Melissa Henson, PTC’s director of communications and public education
“‘Man Down’ is an inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song. In my 30 years of viewing BET, I have never witnessed such a cold, calculated execution of murder in primetime. Viacom’s standards and practices department has reached another new low”-Paul Porter, co-founder of Industry Ears and a former voice of BET.
“…Today’s youth need more positive strategies for dealing with conflict than those portrayed in the Rihanna video. This video is one among several frequently played on Viacom music video networks that lyrically or graphically glorifies violence…” -Pastor Delman Coates, founder of the Enough Is Enough Campaign.
My issue with these statements is that they seem to underscore the significance of the sexual assault, advocate for the perpetrator and wrongfully propose that Rihanna is promoting violence (The entire song lyrically expresses remorse, ex. “I didn't mean to end his life, I know it wasn't right, I can't even sleep at night, can't get it off my mind…”). Two of the three organizations failed to even mention that Rihanna’s character was victimized, nor did they take the time to advocate or express remorse for those in peril after an assault. Violence on television is one issue, but the organizations neglected to acknowledge or give value to another massive problem: rape. This negligence is an indicator of how our society ignores and/or rationalizes abuse, and the second time that Rihanna is at the center of a publicized instance. When she was battered by her then-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, in 2009, blog readers and some media suggested that Rihanna incited the attack; “she shouldn’t have been checking his phone and accusing him of anything,” “she was equally violent towards him; island people have tempers,” “she’s using this to sell records and get publicity.” One blog reader commented about “Man Down”: “she shouldn’t have been dancing so sexy with the guy; maybe he wouldn’t be so horny and rape her.”
Now, not only is Rihanna someone that manipulated or deserved a physical beating, but she’s a promoter of violence and her video character is a cold-blooded killer.
Why do we ignore and/or rationalize abuse?
Men and women are societally-trained to believe that males are superior and women are inferior. The belief system is that women exist solely to be at men’s disposal. Men are such higher-form beings that they wouldn’t beat a woman without a good reason. In relation to sexual abuse, sex is an “essential need” for a man that must not ever be denied. And if women are sexy or alluring, it’s all to arouse men and they want to have sex. Our poor reaction to MALE VICTIMS is also a result of the belief that men are superior to women. It’s believed that if a male is abused physically or sexually by a woman, it’s because they allowed it to happen and you’re not a man if a woman can overpower you. In cases of same-sex abuse, biases about homosexuality come into play, exacerbating the situation. These attitudes and ideas prevent us from making efficient strides against abuse and providing useful supports for victims. Also, victims often don’t come forth because of our negative reactions. WAKE UP!