When my friends and I talk about the “quarter-life crisis,” one thing that keeps popping up is undergrad. After some brief reminiscing and recollecting, I usually end up saying “I felt more together at 21 than I do at 27” and my friends nod their head in agreement. I think we feel this way because at 21, we were in the planning and dreaming stages of our lives and now that things aren’t going as planned or imagined in the execution stage, we’re asking ourselves “How did I get here? What did I do wrong?” Sometimes there’s plenty of regret. After asking several people what they would tell their 18 or 21 year old self, it was amazing how similar everyone’s responses were; they seemed to all break down in a few specific areas. This article is for anyone who wants to see if others share their thoughts and feelings, and most of all, for those who are 18 or 21. May what you read here reduce the chances of a nasty quarter-life crisis.

Confidence
The self-esteem and confidence issues that plague you in high school do lessen in early adulthood, but their residue can grow and mutate into another form of ugly that will have you skipping out on opportunities, in unhealthy friendships or romantic relationships, letting fear keep you from things that will help you grow, stifling your identity, able to be easily manipulated and woefully indecisive. Not believing in myself enough has stopped me from pursuing my passions because I don’t believe my dreams are in reach. When I have great opportunities presented to me, I downplay my talents, thinking they’re not up to par. Who knows what advantageous ideas or details I haven’t and don’t think of because I go into things with a defeated attitude. I could be subconsciously causing myself to fail before I even begin. I don’t have any fire-proof anecdotes on how to overcome low confidence, unfortunately. What I can offer, however, is that comparing yourself to other people will make things worse, don’t beat yourself up too long for any disappointments or failures, and congratulate yourself for even the smallest things you do well or are good about you. Everyone is good at and good for something; the cliché` is true.

“…We often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough. You’re worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”-Oprah

Balance
I believe balance is the most essential key to a functioning, thriving life. Everything in moderation; operating in extremes is guaranteed to shoot you in the foot. When interviewing people for this article, many said there was either too much or too little of a particular thing. Don’t be all work and no play or all play and no work. Don’t spend all your time with your mate instead of your friends and vice-versa. Lack of balance has come to be one of the biggest problems in my life; being too optimistic, too cynical, all up in church, not going at all, all about one career, all about another one, too focused on the future, too focused on the present. Keeping myself in one spectrum works for a while, but eventually, it always ends up being a disadvantage.

Awareness/Identity
Time flies and everything happens so fast to the point that you might not indulge in the simple things that great memories are made of or appreciate and respect the things and people that you should. Take time out to do that. Start a gratitude journal, documenting things that you’re grateful for each day or each week. It sounds cheesy, but when I feel like I have nothing and my life seems like it’s in shambles, I find hope in what I write.

Learn from your life. I say all the time that people try so hard to instantly bounce back from or go into denial about overwhelming things that have happened to them, that they never have the life realizations that will make them wiser and stop them from making the same mistakes over again. Don’t sweep your emotions under the rug and waste the chance for a valuable epiphany, pretending that you’re unaffected. Talk yourself through your experiences and life changes; the how, what, when, where and why of what’s happened. Own up to your misgivings; be honest with yourself. Seek help when you need it. Don’t be scared of therapy. Have quiet time. Denial or avoidance is not your friend. Watch what you become numb or desensitized to.

When making decisions, learn the difference between impulse and instinct and don’t be afraid to take time. Young people are notorious for pressing fast-forward. What’s the rush? Why is everything so immediate? Some of the best things are developed with time. One of my sayings is “A season is longer than that! You can’t even have a baby in that time period!” When you have reservations about something, learn the difference between legitimate concern and plain old fear. I’ve scared myself out of plenty of things and masked it as valid concern.

“If you don’t take the time to think about it, analyze your life, you’ll never realize all of the dots that are all connected…I believe everything in our life, every person in our life…every relationship…everything is there for a reason and when you really pay attention, there’s certain little clues we get; it’s so crystal clear what the next step is. It’s like a puzzle; everything is in it right place and as we grow, we take the next step, the dots get connected and eventually we become what we’re supposed to be.”-Beyonce`

As far as identity, I believe there are foundational elements in everyone’s personality that stay constant, but some things will definitely change. You won’t be the same person at 18 that you were at 14. You won’t be the same person at 21 that you were at 18, and you most likely will be a different creature at 25 than at 21. That clear, all the people who met you at those different ages will have various perspectives on who you are and will make judgments. Some won’t let you shake who you used to be, while others might misunderstand your current place because they didn’t know you back then. Reinvention is hard and you’ll spend a lot of time trying to explain yourself. How you view yourself rarely matches how others perceive you. The harshest critic is going to be yourself, however. No matter what you came from, did or are doing, know that you have the power define yourself any way you like at anytime. It will be frustrating when others don’t get with the program, but as long as you know who you are, survival is imminent. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn from your past, even if the past was last week, and use it as a tool to fuel your future. Own what you are and what you have been. Don’t fake the funk. Don’t get caught up in being arrogant or defensive. When you really own the past and present, no one can use it as a weapon against you. Someone brings up the fact that you used to strip, remind them the key phrase is “used to.” If you’re still stripping, invite them to the show; they might learn something. 

Resentment, jealousy, regrets and anger are all weights. Do whatever it takes to cut through them. I held up my own progress at 18, still holding anger at my parents for things that weren’t going to change. Was it infuriating that change wasn’t coming? Yes, but as soon as I let go of the expectation for change, who they were and what they were doing began to affect me less and I began to think of ways to impact my reality, independent of them.

“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for your life.”-Oprah

Passions, Careers & College
For most college-age people, deciding what career or life path to choose is the biggest dilemma. One year you have a plan and know what you want out of life, the next year you don’t; especially if your plan gets derailed. Picking a career seems like it has so much finality to it, but here’s the reality: it’s not. Even after you’ve acquired a degree or specialization, you will have tons of different jobs with various companies. No two jobs are going to be completely identical, especially in this economy. While that reality appears scarily unstable, the beauty is that you have freedom and won’t get stuck if you don’t enjoy something. All of that being said, be flexible and versatile. One of my biggest regrets is that I put so much energy and focus into being a therapist that I didn’t consider any other options, so when I lost interest in counseling, I was lost and had no idea what to do next. I still kind of don’t know. I had to start all over. Cater to all of your different interests as much as you can. Have a plan A, B, C and D. Don’t limit yourself to one role.

Some people don’t know what their passions, talents or interests are or think they don’t have any. Not true. As I said before, everyone is good at something and has preferences for what they enjoy. Some don’t acknowledge their passions or interests because they feel they can’t make a career out of it or they’re worried about what others will think of it. When people ask me what I want to do, I’m always hesitant. It’s so hard for me to say that I want to have a hand in finding recording artists and helping them build their sound and brand. What you love is what you love. Embrace it. Don’t ignore, deny or alter your dreams to serve anyone else’s standards or expectations. This is YOUR life, and if you design your whole life around satisfying others and not yourself, you won’t forgive yourself when you approach 30. Also, set your own priorities as to what’s most important in your life and job; flexibility? Income? Benefits? Enjoyment? All of it? There’s really no right or wrong answer. As for the battle of passion versus logical and practical, again, balance is key. Don’t pass on a pursuit simply because it isn’t “practical.” Try to integrate logic into your passionate decision. I know a lot of disgruntled and unfulfilled 20-somethings who went 100% practical and 0% passionate.

Know that college is not guaranteed to give you purpose or direction. Your experiences may lead you to that, but college in of itself can’t do that for you. I believe that purpose lies within your passions. While in college, manage your money well (read money management books if necessary), have fun, study hard, get to know people with a dissimilar background than yours and take advantage of free services on campus. There are too many “educated” people who know nothing about the world outside of their own community and culture. When I was in graduate school, I noticed so many of the undergraduate students only hung out with others from the same city, of the same race, economic background, religion and sexual orientation. I wondered how much those people would grow. I found it profoundly enriching to be around those vastly different than myself; it strengthened my character and made me more wise and compassionate. As for free services on campus, talk to your advisors, build relationships with your professors, visit the guidance office and after you leave there, stop by the counseling center (therapy is expensive once you’re out of college). All of these departments can help you on your way.

“I'm different, I can’t base what I'm gonna be off a what everybody isn’t, they don’t listen, just whispering behind my back, no vision, lack of ambition, so whack.”-Jay-Z (So Ambitious)

Social Life/Relationships
At 18 or 21, friendships can either be a solid foundation or the death of you. Be selective. Just because you have 1 or 2 common interests with someone, it doesn’t mean you have to be “BFF’s” and spend a lot of time with the person. Watch the energy they bring to other’s lives and the energy you emit. Life does not have to be a soap opera. Stay away from high-drama and if you’re the one bringing the drama, chill yourself out. It isn’t that crucial. Get that chip off of your shoulder and pick your battles. Don’t have so many hang ups. Whether you’re the drama queen or not, watch your karma. Be careful with how you treat people and the things you say and do. Don’t be careless and inconsiderate with other’s emotions and hearts and don’t tolerate people who are reckless with yours.  Don’t project your insecurities or anger on others; don’t be the poster child for misplaced energy or grudges. Don’t be vengeful; let go of an “eye for an eye.” Learn how to say “I’m sorry” and communicate. In arguments, try not to invalidate or negate, and don’t care so much about winning or being “right.” When it comes to people worth keeping in your life, would you much rather be right or preserve your relationship? Be able to appropriately conclude whether you’re going through a rough patch with a friend or in deal-breaker territory.

Watch co-dependence. Yes, people can teach you a lot and bring positive things into your life, but be sure to learn from them so that, heaven forbid you part, you can carry the torch on your own.

Don’t try to save anyone. You will end up emotionally tapped-out, unhappy or stifling your own growth trying to be something you are not: Superman. The things it takes to heal or resolve one’s wounds, voids or issues are bigger than you. It’s only when people are their own cure that they succeed. You can be a supporting agent, but it’s impossible to be the cure. Additionally, stepping into the role of hero makes you easy bait for takers who don’t know how to give, co-dependence or beating yourself up if you fail and who wants that?

Self-preservation is not being mean. You’re not being a bad person if you end or distance yourself from relationship that is not conducive to your well-being and zaps your energy.
Reciprocity is important. Make sure people are giving you 100% and that’s what you give others.  Also, have reasonable expectations.

Don’t do things just because they’re the norm. This seems like a given, but in a lot of small ways, people adapt to, accept or exhibit certain behaviors without questioning because it’s a norm in their environment. For example, a friend of mine concluded that her romantic relationships didn’t last long because she was intimate with each person early on. She said within her social circle, sex after a few dates was normal and nothing to analyze, so she never pondered on it. She feels that maybe if she challenged the norm, she wouldn’t have had so many sexual encounters that she now regrets. When deciding when to challenge norms or step out of your comfort zone, carefully consider the pros and cons of each frame of thought.
For more on my personal experience with my friendships, click here.

Lastly…
Beware of stagnation. When confused, one doesn’t know how to move or is too scared to move. There’s nothing wrong with slowing down or giving yourself a pause break, but don’t get too used to being on pause. It can happen easily. Make a move doing something, even if it’s small, and revisit the goals you have in mind often.

For all the control freaks, life does what it wants to do. Try to be less rigid with your expectations. Anticipate different outcomes.
Argue with that doubtful or negative voice in your head. Don’t give into to that prick. Stay holding your breath, crossing your fingers and wishing on stars. It’s not too late. Even when your plate has gotten full and certain things are already in motion, get creative and find ways to scoot the green beans over an inch. We will get through this.

Other interesting quotes from interviews:
“I would tell myself (or any 21 year old) to trust my gut. I spent too much time waiting for someone else to tell me that I was doing the right thing but deep down, I knew I was doing the right thing. I wish I hadn't wasted time looking for answers in other people. “

"Consider investing those thousands of dollars in a small business instead of college. That would have been a loss though, because I wouldn't have met so many great people.”

“I would say follow your heart and not your friends. Do what you want to do and have fun. Live your life and don't worry about settling down yet; there will be time for that later. Live a little and lighten up. Travel and have fun!!”

“I will tell myself to have fun, travel, go to college for something meaningful that you really like to do, save as much money as possible and go with the first instinct regarding people and life.”
“Finish school girl, your boyfriend will still be there.”

“Everyone is not for you; not even those closest to you! Invest! It's ok to be different and have different goals than your friends. Stop holding onto things and people that hurt you!”

“Hug your grandmother more....do things your way you'll be fine…ten yrs from now it all will make sense!
“Always be able to take care of yourself; never count on anyone else to do it.”

“If you go to college,  FOCUS!!! Forget being in love!!! Love will come in due time! Focus on bettering yourself! Set a plan and accomplish it! Stop procrastinating!”
To see what actress Phylicia Rashad (AKA Claire Huxtable from “The Cosby Show”) would say to her 21-year-old self, click here.

When you’re growing up, you look forward to the day where your parents view and respect you as an adult and you can have an open dialogue where your opinions (or feelings) are not negated. I’m past 25 now, and that day has yet to arrive. I’m able to have conversations with my mother, but dare I challenge or disagree with her opinions or express exactly how I feel about her behavior or statements, I’m met with anger and accused of being disrespectful; no matter how polite I am. My mother suffers from what I call “parental egotism;” where parents hold the attitude that their children are completely and forever subordinate to them and therefore cannot speak against anything they purport.

If the situation arises where I’m upset with my mother, I’m told “I don’t have a right to be mad” at her. In other cases, she’s acts as if she’s above criticism. There’s a rationalization for everything she does and she’s always right, because “she’s the mother.” If I insist or continue to suggest that she’s perhaps wrong, she becomes defensive and sometimes attacking or belittling. For example, the topic of baby showers for teen mothers somehow came up. My mother explained that she was against the concept because when she was younger, giving a teen expectant parent a shower was viewed as condoning their sexual activity. When I argued that people should approach it as providing for a child who will be in need, versus support of teenage sex, she said “Oh, you’re just one of those people; any and everything goes with your generation.” When I asked her to explain what she meant by ‘one of those people,’ she wouldn’t elaborate, but she clearly meant it within a negative context. Not only did she make a negative generalization of my generation, she inferred there’s something wrong with my character because I had a different opinion than hers. As the conversation continued, the egotism rose as she reminded be that she’s been alive longer than I have, knows what she’s talking about and that I “don’t understand.” The “don’t understand” phrase is particularly agitating. To understand means to comprehend. I comprehend what she’s saying, I just don’t agree; its two different things.

The constant reminders of how old she is (“I’ve been around longer than you”) is equally agitating. I realize that I’m young and I far from know everything; I don’t propose that I do (my parents got lucky, because I never felt or acted that way as a teen either). However, I find it arrogant to assume that there’s no more room to learn because she’s reached her 50’s and the life-wisdom she’s acquired makes it impossible for her to be flawed or incorrect. Not to mention it’s invalidating to imply that my opinion has no value because I’m young. I’ve lost count of the times where she initiated a discussion with me, only to respond to my statements with “you’re just young” or “I’m right; I’m older.” Why start a conversation with me if my opinion is worthless to you from the beginning? I may behave the same way she does when I’m older, but for now I plan to start my statements with “In my experience” or “what I’ve learned in my years on this earth is…”

Parental egotism really rears its ugly head when the adult child tries to set boundaries or wants to discuss their childhood. Some parents find it appalling to see any assertiveness come from their offspring or hear the words “no” or “stop,” abusing the honorary title of ‘parent’ to take advantage of their children, guilt or manipulate them into submission. A friend of mine said he feels like his parents take advantage of his bountiful income, constantly expecting to borrow money after mismanaging their own funds. “If I only give them a certain amount, none at all, or tell them how frustrated I am, they find it insulting. They say I should willingly give them money no matter what because they gave me money in school. I sometimes can’t purchase the things I want or invest my money the way I wish because of how much I give them.”

Addressing the past or how you were raised can definitely be uncomfortable; A few parents deal with this discomfort with avoidance, denial or defensiveness. For those who have the discussion, some may inadvertently nullify their adult child’s feelings (especially if there are differing perceptions of the same event) or internalize their kids’ comments to the point of having deep guilt. If the conversation becomes a heated debate, the blame game can begin or going in circles about whether or not someone should feel a certain way. “When I talk to my mother about the things that upset me during my childhood, she always takes it as me trying to say she’s a bad parent. If it isn’t for worrying I’ll hurt her feelings, I have to deal with her telling me I perceived something wrong or telling me how to feel, instead of just accepting my feelings and hearing me out,” another friend said of her parental interactions. When dealing with disputing family members, talk-show host and former therapist Phil McGraw (“Dr. Phil”) frequently says “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” In familial disputes, I think some people get so focused on ‘winning’ the argument or trying to get someone to change their feelings or opinions, that they lose sight of the end goal, which is peace and understanding.

While some parents are chronic sufferers of parental egotism, others only exhibit it occasionally. Fortunately with my mother, it’s occasionally. There have been moments where my anger has risen to the point of disrespect; I typically apologize. Maybe when I have my own children, my mother will fully level with me. Until then, I’ll respectfully assert myself and hope I won’t need my boxing gloves.

We 20-somethings are haunted and plagued by our age-contingent goals. It messes us up. This whole idea of telling yourself that you have to do or attain a certain thing by a certain age is more harmful than helpful.  There is nothing wrong with setting goals and being proactive about them, but the problem with goal setting around your age is that it often adds undue pressure and issues. Sometimes we take on things or responsibilities that we truly aren’t prepared for. For example, rushing into marriage or getting an apartment or home that you really can’t afford because “you’re supposed to have that done by 25.” Speaking of financial matters, I’ve seen people change academic majors or join career fields that they only half-heartedly care about because the income or benefits will help them reach an age-based aspiration. In the long run, they ended up resenting themselves AND their work and felt trapped with no way out.

Intense anxiety can develop as one approaches a particular age, causing stagnation, depression around birthdays or attempts to relive a previous period, possibly stunting maturity. Uncertainty or fear of failure to reach an age-based goal can easily cause stagnation; sometimes it seems easier to procrastinate or not pursue something than tackle it and fail. I call it “I’ll think about it tomorrow” Scarlett O’Hara syndrome ("Gone with the Wind"). I fell prey to it myself. While I was in a graduate counseling program, I rapidly fell out of love with the idea of being a therapist. Instead of using my time in school wisely and doing everything I could to explore options with my impending degree, I put it in the back of mind. I avoided it. I waited until the month I was graduating to ask questions. I was so afraid and uncertain about what I was going to do next that I froze.

As for birthday depression and reverting to the “good old days,” I had a friend who suddenly went missing-in-action just before her birthday. When she resurfaced weeks later, she revealed that thinking about her birthday saddened her because she didn’t think she was “where she needed to be for her age.” I’ve seen many a friend revert to acting as if they were once again college freshman or high school students, trying to go back to a time where their lives were uncomplicated by age-contingent goals and expectations. Those that didn’t revert carry an emotionally heavy bag of regret; unsatisfied with how things have turned out, wanting to undo decisions and feeling cornered by the choices they’ve made.

The worst thing about age-contingent ambitions is that if you fail at them, if often breaks confidence, reduces self-esteem and causes insecurity. One friend told me she feels inferior and that others will judge her because of the things she didn’t do at “the right age.” The judgment is a real villain. Another peer of mine constantly hears condescending remarks about being unmarried. I’m harassed not only because of my marital status (I’m currently single), but because I haven’t found “my big girl job” yet. People are forever nagging, questioning or bossing you around about what you haven’t done yet and when you’re going to do it. If one’s self-esteem is shaken, feelings of incompetence and incapability can quickly set in, thus diminishing motivation or belief that other dreams can become a reality.

Age-basing can suck the fun out of life as you spend so much time with pressure, stress, fear, guilt, regret and insecurity. When setting goals, analyze your motives, what pursuing this objective will require and if your ideal timeframe is reasonable. Do you really think achieving this goal will improve your life? At what cost will you seek after your target? Are you making decisions independently or are you making choices to appease someone else? Are you trying to fit into a mold? Are you doing what you think is healthiest for you? Are you emotionally, physically or financially ready? Also, make sure you choose objectives that you can actually influence. For example, it doesn’t make sense to expect to be married by 25. You can’t make love happen and it’s best to not try to make someone marry you (anyone can find a partner or sex-buddy, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be a quality mate). Sure, you can try to date and increase your chances of finding a mate, but that’s it. That’s all you can do. If you fail at achieving something, yes, it will suck. You might feel terrible and useless, but that’s not true. Just re-route and reevaluate. Good luck.

So…I’m looking around and it’s seems like a lot of married people my age are getting divorced. Wondering if it was just people I knew, I started searching for statistics. According to the National Centerfor Health Statistics (The U.S. Census Bureau references the NCHS for marriage and divorce rates),60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. They are probably thousands of possible reasons why this is, and I think the quarter-life crisis is one of them. To nutshell the “quarter-life crisis” for those who are new to this term, it’s basically a reflective point in the 20’s where one tries to figure out where they’re going and who they want to be. The core of the crisis is different for every person; some are most concerned about career choices (which is my core), while others are concerned about romantic relationships (segue into the point of this article).

If my girlfriends aren’t getting a divorce, they’re actively trying to find someone to marry and are frustrated with their lack of luck in that department. Some of them are so fixated on getting down the aisle, they talk about single-hood as if it’s a disease. When asked what the source of their urgency is, the most common answer is a culmination of “I need to be married and have a kid by 30. I have a biological clock. 30 is the ideal age. Marriage is the next life step. When you’re 30, you’re supposed to have everything together and moving on to that stage of your life.” Instead of considering their emotional, mental and financial preparedness for marriage, young adults are focused on being the ‘ideal age.’ I can’t tell you why 20-somethings put so much value on 30; hell, I put a lot of value on 30. I put a lot of value on 25. For some reason, when you’re in your 20’s, goal timelines are shaped around a specific age. This age-contingent goal setting may be one of the things that make the quarter-life crisis a crisis. 20-somethings are very hard on themselves when it comes to goals. Everything is about success and failure. These feelings in application to marriage are only exacerbated by external/societal pressures and expectations, such as a nagging parent wondering “when are you going to settle down?” or others asking “why are you single?” Societal expectations are particularly impacting on women; a woman’s value is so measured by her marital status, “that’s why you don’t have a man” is used as and deemed an insult.

I want to focus on one particular part of the urgency reasons list: “when you’re 30, you’re supposed to have everything together.” Not only is marriage on the list of goals and concerns, but it’s viewed as remedy for other stressors. “Getting married and being a wife would make me feel more stable. It will give me a sense of purpose. I’ll feel like I have some sort of direction. Right now, I just feel kind of lost and shifty in general. I need something that is consistent…predictable…reliable…solid and in place,” says one of my friends. Like a lot my peers around the same age, this person wants to redirect their career path (but isn’t sure how), has a long, unsuccessful dating history and is feeling kind of bored with life as most friends have moved away or are preoccupied with children they’ve had (which leads me to another reason why 20-somethings are relationship or marriage obsessed, but I’ll come back to that).

For 20-somethings lost at sea, a marriage or a committed relationship is subconsciously a great distraction as it gives the confused and stressed something seemingly fun and sexy to pour all of their energy into. In the midst, some hope that their potential mate may complete, rescue or motivate them, or be someone to relate to. At minimum, a mate can keep them entertained. “I’m bored when I’m not in a relationship,” says another friend, which brings me to the aforementioned about friends moving away or having time-consuming lives. Graduating from college means a reduction in a social life for many 20-somethings as employment pursuits can absorb free-time and take friends across the country; meanwhile, making like-minded new friends in the workplace is sometimes not as easy or feasible. The sudden crash in what was once a vivacious social life leaves some 20-somethings feeling lonely and bored, and who better to cure all that than a partner designed to be a constant companion? So, now we’ve got discombobulated, bored and lonely people, jaded from all the failed attempts at romance and broken from all of their other personal obstacles, entering a situation with emotional complexities that requires stability for all the wrong reasons. Perfect.

All of these wrong reasons can fester, boil and rise up to be the demise of the relationship or marriage, especially if the romance was subconsciously a way to feel stable or keep distracted. When 20-somethings find themselves in this quandary, they either divorce or breakup, have a kid to try and fix it (which also doesn’t work), or remain unhappily married because they have children or to try to save face. Some walk to the altar on a hope and a prayer to begin with, ignoring their instincts.  If you’re 20-something and your goal is marriage, realllllllllllly marinate on why you want to get married, why you love your mate and if you truly are ready for a lifetime commitment. You can’t prepare yourself for everything that’s in store with married life beforehand, but looking long and hard in the mirror will give you a leg up.