I’ve mentioned before on this page how I’m a control freak and how I have a “superman” complex. I see how these two things affect my behavior and life on a regular basis. I CANNOT STAND to feel powerless…I run away from or get agitated with situations that I cannot control or predict the outcome. Does therapy seem like a field I should be in where I have that problem? That, and I’m crazy sensitive about human suffering these days. The analyzation of how and why it exists has put me in existential (and spiritual) uneasiness. I’ve been having very emotional reactions to human suffering and strife. For example, I started an internship at a vocational rehabilitation center and on the FIRST day, I almost cried. Vocational rehabs typically serve individuals with disabilities and mental/emotional disorders. Depending on the degree of the disability, some may not be able to ever achieve the career goals they desire. As my internship coordinator explained to me how some of the employees have to be the ones to relay this information, my heart sank. I instantaneously felt sad. It made me never want to procrastinate or hesitate with a goal again. I can make whatever career goals I want and actively seek them, but some of them can’t. I was sitting there thinking about how unfair that was, and I began to wonder if any of the clients felt resentment; especially those who suddenly became disabled due to an injury. Fortunately enough, I didn’t cry in front of the coordinator, but I wanted to.
Another example: I was watching “The Bounty Hunter,” and there was this guy they were trying apprehend for a probation violation. When they captured the man, they met his girlfriend and two young children. As they looked at his prior arrests and charges, they discovered that he had been physically abusive to his girlfriend multiple times. When they spoke to the girlfriend about this, she said she had a difficult time leaving him because they were high-school sweethearts and he was “the only thing she knew.” She continually asked if there was some way her boyfriend could get “help.” In addition, she said she was worried about him being arrested for the probation violation because he was the only source of income for the family. Hours after I saw his episode, I was thinking about that girl and wondering what was going to become of her and children’s future. What was going to become of the boyfriend? It just stuck with me. I thought “if I can’t get someone on T.V. off of my mind, what happens when I get a client like that? I’m going to take this stuff home with me.” I’m way too sensitive right now to go into counseling. I’m too reactive. Maybe my skin will be tougher later on in life, but it isn’t at the moment. So does anyone have any “advice to give…on how to be…insensitive” like the Jann Arden song says?