Dear Potential Employee,

I’m your potential employer and as your potential employer I’m going to remind you of why you wanted to quit school and start a traveling band in the 1st place, as I behaviorally will be a culmination of the butthole that bullied you in the middle school, the anal-retentive jerk professor you had in college, the guy that stole your girlfriend last week and your overly bossy parents.

I will make you kiss my tail and chase me down with repeated calls, emails and meetings and act like I can’t be bothered with you even though I’M THE ONE who needs assistance and employees. Basically, I’m going to act like I don’t want you. If you seem confident, I’ll take you down a notch because I will view it as egotistical. If you’re humble, I’ll turn my nose up and view you as weak. Even though your resume is impressive, I WILL unfairly judge you by your appearance. If you’re too attractive as a female, I’ll either hire you because I want eye-candy in the office or not hire you because I will assume you’re a slut. If you have the slightest hint of a tattoo or a piercing, you can forget it. Even though you need money to have ultra-fine clothing, I will deny you income if you show up in just the decent clothing you can afford.

Speaking of resumes, even though I required it and you just handed it to me, I’m still going to expect you to fill out the same exact information on our standard application. It’s especially important that we have the same information in two places as we will completely negate it if an applicant with connections and less impressive credentials comes in. If you’re too educated, we’ll tell you you’re overqualified. If you have one degree too little, you’re under-qualified. We’ll also tell you that you don’t have enough experience; although, if no one ever hires you, you’ll never gain such experience. If you manage to book an interview, our questions will be irrelevant and unreasonably difficult to answer (ex. If you could be a tree, what type would you be and why?). If not that, we’ll ask “moral measurement” questions (ex. have you ever stolen from your employer or have you ever gotten upset with your employer?). Moral measurement questions are my favorite to ask, because I like to watch people squirm while trying to decide whether they should give me a socially-acceptable Ms. America answer or be honest. I love my job. Maybe one day you’ll have a job like me. Thank you for your interest in joining our staff.

Sincerely,
Your Potential Employer

I’ve been thinking…why can’t honed hobbies count as work experience? If one indulges in photography as a hobby and they have proof that they’re rather skilled at it (such as a photo album), why can’t they put it on a resume` and apply for a photographer position at Olan Mills? I know that might sound funny, but seriously, why not? I’m still hunting in the jungle for a job…if I’m not considered “overqualified” (because of my master’s degree in psych), I’m under-qualified (not enough hands-on experience or a more specific degree, license, etc.). I’ve been applying for an array of positions in different fields: human service, non-profit organizations, media…even event planning. I haven’t applied for anything I don’t have some prior experience in; I guess I just don’t have enough-particularly in journalism-despite running the ENTIRE entertainment section for my college newspaper. I feel like I should be able to put running this blog as experience on my resume`. Afterall, it is semi-journalistic and is a testament to my writing ability. Also, I’ve learned so much about networking, marketing/promotion, web design, social media and public relations while operating this site, among other things. I know a lot of talented, creative and intelligent people whose gifts really shine through their hobbies. Am I being unreasonable here or what? Lol

I was having dinner with a friend and easily got into a music industry debate with our friendly waiter after he spotted my Dereon` bag (pop-star Beyonce’s clothing line). He said that he didn’t care for a lot of mainstream music and threw around the word “sell-out” when discussing artists he felt changed to a more commercial sound. As the conversation went on, he eventually said “but I guess anyone who has job is a sellout, so, it’s whatever I suppose.” Perplexed, my friend asked “How is that accurate? How does having a job make you a sellout?” He explained “Most people don’t work in a field they truly enjoy or are interested in. Most of us would have different jobs if we could do whatever we wanted and still pay bills.” I could understand his point and to a large extent, agreed. My friend still didn’t think it makes you a sellout if you do what it takes, including taking a job you hate, to pay bills and handle responsibilities. This same friend asked me a few weeks ago why it was so important for me to have a job I love or at least like. I figure if I’m going to spend 40 hours a week somewhere, I have to at least like what I’m doing. If I loathe my job and hate getting up every morning because I dread what I have to do, that’s not a quality life. Spending 8 hours a day watching a clock and wanting to crawl out of my skin for money is just not worth it to me. It’s going to screw with my sense of purpose. I’m going to look up and go “Is this life? Is this what it’s all about?” Needless to say, my own desire to have a job that not only offers monetary support, but personal fulfillment as well, is what partially led to me agreeing with my waiter.

“You’re a slave to money than you die.”-Bittersweet Symphony , The Verve Pipe

The more I thought about what the waiter said, the more I thought about all the different ways we “sellout” while in the workforce. The butt-kissing, the toleration of condescending remarks, the hiding of tattoos & piercings, the concealing of religious, political or cultural beliefs & sexual orientation, the revisions to Facebook profiles-and often, contrary to what your mama told you, this won’t stop the “higher” or more successful you get at your job unless you’re the CEO. What are we doing all this for? Money? Yes, you have to have a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and transportation. If you have children, there’s an even greater need for these things, among other items, but where do we draw the line between meeting needs and selling our souls? What do you think?

Brief rant.

I hate job hunting because...
1. Not only is it time consuming, but it’s time consuming with very little fruit from the labor. Many people apply for 1,000 positions and will only hear back from (maybe) 12 companies.

2. It’s amazing the amount of chasing you have to do-constantly emailing and leaving voicemails for the same people and making stops at the same locations. Aren’t the companies the ones that NEED employees? The way you have to chase down some execs, it’s almost like they aren’t hiring at all and you have to convince THEM to open a position.

3. It makes me feel incompetent. When you spend so much time chasing execs, proving yourself, being evaluated and sometimes kissing butt, you may start to feel unwanted, unqualified or just plain not good enough. There is a lot of rejection and comparison to others involved with job hunting. It’s been hard for me to keep what’s typically apart of the job seeking process from negatively affecting my confidence.

Rant finished.

“Better to consider opportunities now than in ten years when life may limit your choices.”-Ms. Darbus (High School Musical 3: Senior Year)

Here’s the thing kids, if you aren’t married and don’t have any children, THIS IS THE TIME to take risks career-wise and try on different shoes until one fits. I know you’re concerned about stabilizing yourself financially and sustaining what resources you have now, and that makes sense, but you have the rest of your life to bend over backwards doing something you don’t want to do to keep the bills paid. It’s a whole heck of a lot HARDER to quit a job just because you don’t like it once you have mouths to feed.

Man, why did I have to want a career in music business? Why do I have to be an “artsy” person and love music versus having an interest in engineering or dentistry, a career field with a “straight forward” path? I just HAD to want to take a career path that resembles Russian roulette and is based on “who I know” instead of “what I know.”

A recent videoblog of mine.

"You want to play house, you've got to have a job. You want to play nice house, very sweet house, you've got to have a job you don't like." (Revolutionary Road)