I was having dinner with a friend and easily got into a music industry debate with our friendly waiter after he spotted my Dereon` bag (pop-star Beyonce’s clothing line). He said that he didn’t care for a lot of mainstream music and threw around the word “sell-out” when discussing artists he felt changed to a more commercial sound. As the conversation went on, he eventually said “but I guess anyone who has job is a sellout, so, it’s whatever I suppose.” Perplexed, my friend asked “How is that accurate? How does having a job make you a sellout?” He explained “Most people don’t work in a field they truly enjoy or are interested in. Most of us would have different jobs if we could do whatever we wanted and still pay bills.” I could understand his point and to a large extent, agreed. My friend still didn’t think it makes you a sellout if you do what it takes, including taking a job you hate, to pay bills and handle responsibilities. This same friend asked me a few weeks ago why it was so important for me to have a job I love or at least like. I figure if I’m going to spend 40 hours a week somewhere, I have to at least like what I’m doing. If I loathe my job and hate getting up every morning because I dread what I have to do, that’s not a quality life. Spending 8 hours a day watching a clock and wanting to crawl out of my skin for money is just not worth it to me. It’s going to screw with my sense of purpose. I’m going to look up and go “Is this life? Is this what it’s all about?” Needless to say, my own desire to have a job that not only offers monetary support, but personal fulfillment as well, is what partially led to me agreeing with my waiter.

“You’re a slave to money than you die.”-Bittersweet Symphony , The Verve Pipe

The more I thought about what the waiter said, the more I thought about all the different ways we “sellout” while in the workforce. The butt-kissing, the toleration of condescending remarks, the hiding of tattoos & piercings, the concealing of religious, political or cultural beliefs & sexual orientation, the revisions to Facebook profiles-and often, contrary to what your mama told you, this won’t stop the “higher” or more successful you get at your job unless you’re the CEO. What are we doing all this for? Money? Yes, you have to have a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and transportation. If you have children, there’s an even greater need for these things, among other items, but where do we draw the line between meeting needs and selling our souls? What do you think?

Since I’ve decided to NOT be a traditional therapist, I’ve been considering other career options. It’s been a confusing and stressful time choosing a course, so when I have a concept of what I MIGHT want to pursue, it’s a real downer when all my mom can say in response is “will that pay you anything?” Granted, income offering is an important factor to be considered when seeking employment opportunities, but I would think my mother would be remotely elated that her vocationally discombobulated child finally decided on something. Instead of asking questions that would incite a conversation, like “what appeals to you about that field?” or “what’s the best way to attain that type of position?” she’s all about the pay. Lord forbid I say “I don’t know how much it pays, I have to look into it,” and a lecture ensues about how she wants me to be financially stable, as if that’s not something I desire. By that time, I’m no longer interested in sharing my excitement about my new professional plan of action.

I try to be understanding of fact that my mother wants me to learn from her mistakes and not have the same financial struggles that she has, but I would like her to be more understanding that it’s important to me to find meaningful, purposeful work that is both fulfilling and lucrative. One day, I was telling my mother how the young people I meet online via promoting J.Says seem to all be in crisis. In one week, I met a 13 year old that had a miscarriage, a 16-year old that was self-mutilating and a 14-year old with an eating disorder. I expressed my interest in taking a position at a non-profit organization for girls and told her that positively influencing young women is something I’m passionate about. What did my mom say? “Can you get paid well working at non-profit?” I was so frustrated. Not only was that statement slightly off topic (we were talking about youth), but it devalued a position I deem to be important. When my mother mentions pay off the cuff, it makes me feel like my goal isn’t good enough. Wanting to make a positive societal impact isn’t good enough unless the position pays well. Strippers make a lot of money; maybe she’d be more excited and pleased if I hit the pole.

“Better to consider opportunities now than in ten years when life may limit your choices.”-Ms. Darbus (High School Musical 3: Senior Year)

Here’s the thing kids, if you aren’t married and don’t have any children, THIS IS THE TIME to take risks career-wise and try on different shoes until one fits. I know you’re concerned about stabilizing yourself financially and sustaining what resources you have now, and that makes sense, but you have the rest of your life to bend over backwards doing something you don’t want to do to keep the bills paid. It’s a whole heck of a lot HARDER to quit a job just because you don’t like it once you have mouths to feed.