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'I Love You': Just Something People Say?

5/16/2012

6 Comments

 
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"What about the plans that you left behind…what about the promise that you made to stay with me ‘till your dying day, said you’d never go away…they’re just things that people say…”-Lady Antebellum

I was listening to Christina Aguilera’s “Back to Basics” album, in which there are few songs inspired by her relationship with then-husband Jordan Bratman, with whom she had a son. Aguilera croons about how negatively different her life would be without him and how he “saves her from herself” and so on. I love the songs, but after I got through singing along and loving them, I thought “Wow. She made some powerful statements and yet, they’re not together anymore.” More than likely, if Aguilera’s current relationship goes well, there will be new odes dedicated.

I honestly wonder how people keep their faith in the existence and/or longevity of romantic love after hearing and giving so many professions. Don’t declarations and professions lose their meaning, power and potency the more you hear or say them? Do they or don’t they? Forgive me if I sound a little jaded or cynical (which I am), but I’m trying to figure out how to wisely operate here. Someone told me they love me. And while I still believe that to be true, they’re not in my life anymore at all. So what am I supposed to do when the next person tells me they love me? Walk on air and feel like I have a partner in crime like I did the 1st time? Shall we remove such declarations from our mouths altogether? Should we reword them? Should we say “I’ll love you until the irreversible or unforgivable happens” instead?

Just to be clear, my ponderings on this topic didn’t start with my broken heart. Prior to, I always thought it was silly for celeb couples to do magazine cover stories about their love as if they couldn’t breakup. Unless they were discussing something specific, such as how they handle long-distance or how one mate battling an illness has impacted their relationship, I thought it was pointless and the couple would feel stupid for parading their relationship around later on. Last summer, when “Nick and Vanessa’s Dream Wedding” aired on TLC, I watched TV personality Vanessa Minnilo giddily prance around in her wedding dress and sing to her new husband Nick Lachey “you get to have this forever.” Earlier in the special she touted to others “I’m going to be Mrs. Lachey.” It felt strange to hear her say all of this. I thought “how can she be so proud and sure? She says ‘I’m going to be Mrs. Lachey’ as if there hasn’t already been a Mrs. Lachey (Nick and songstress Jessica Simpson split in 2005 after 3 years of marriage). People promise before family, friends  and God (if they’re Christian), to support, love and protect one another, only to rip each other to shreds, become the one their spouse needs protection from and split years, if not months, later. The divorce rate is through the roof. Granted, few promise forever without the intention of trying to make forever happen, but it just doesn’t. It’s funny how you can build such a life and a history with someone, and with just a few words or actions, it can all go away as quickly as it came. It makes you question your senses and your ability to decipher what’s the truth and what’s a lie; what’s dependable and what’s not. Everything seems so futile afterward.  Can’t help but ask are “I love you,”“you make my life better” and all that other stuff just things that people say?

6 Comments
LaSheena T Allgood
5/16/2012 08:29:28 am

While you do make some valid points here, where are the examples of love gone right? Where are the examples of people that kept their promises?

Where are the examples of people who spent their last days together faithfully married until the end of their lives? Those stories do exist. Those stories should inspire faith in love. Some folks say "I love you" and don't know that love is ever-evolving between 2 people, and they end up quitting when stuff gets hard or different. I was told " I love you" by some b4 my current relationship... my theory now is that you must take every statement from people in stride until their actions validate their words. Amen. lol

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Crystal D.
5/16/2012 08:32:15 am

I really like your comment. Love is a verb.

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Erica
5/16/2012 09:03:05 am

I agree...with anyone I deal with, I believe what you say until you show me I can't. I don't tell someone I love them if I don't mean it or can't show them I mean it. Nobody likes a heartbreaker or to get heartbroken.

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Crystal D.
5/16/2012 08:30:19 am

A lot of it has to do with our romanticized ideas about relationships. It really would be a lot easier to know if someone actually meant what they said in their vows or if they really meant "I'll settle for you till I get bored" when they say "I love you". For a relationship to really be fulfilling (not just "we've been roommates who can't stand each other for 50 years") it has to be based in the right things. It has to be unselfish and have solid communication. For marriage to really work, both people have to be committed going in to stick with one another through anything short of their spouse beating them to a pulp or having sex with some other person.

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Erica
5/16/2012 08:38:42 am

EVERYTHING in life has an end or the ability to have an end. The point, I suppose, is to enjoy it while it lasts...and when, or if, it ends...that's it. "Now and then I call your name/And suddenly your face appears/But it's just a crazy game/When it ends, it ends in tears". The present and everything in that time is the only thing we're promised. The past is over and done, the future isn't here yet.

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DiO the Doll link
5/16/2012 09:30:31 am

Love is ever changing and the hardest part about it is knowing whether or not it is a mutual agreement. How do we know that God loves us, unconditionally? Because he said it, right? Well what about when one is cast to hell for outstanding sin or abomination? Is that a condition of his love? Yes, we believe him when he said he loves us. I'm not sure if unconditional love exists or not and I won't worry myself trying to figure it out. But I agree with Lasheena, there are success stories that leave a glimmer of hope.

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