Straight from my journal, live and in living print.
3/2/12 11:32am
I CANNOT STAND IT when people will not let you acknowledge your sadness, anger or irritation. It INFURIATES me when I’m ranting about something or say I’m having a so-so day and people AUTOMATICALLY respond to my statement(s) with something like “it could always be worse,” “just be grateful you have another day” or “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and proceed to tell me I’m being negative, pouting or whining. THAT’S SO FREAKIN’ INVALIDATING! Furthermore, yes, it can always be worse, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the current situation sucks. Even if I make lemonade, the stuff is still going to taste sour. If someone survives a mugging at gun point, it could’ve been worse by them losing their life, but it doesn’t change the fact that a mugging is a traumatic, awful experience AND you’ve lost your belongings. If you want to help me the see the light at the end of the tunnel or feel hopeful, how about you let me rant, say “yeah, that really freakin’ sucks” and THEN offer some type of solution? And when you offer an anecdote, how about it be one that doesn’t involve me acting like the situation isn’t so bad (ex. “it could always be worse”, assuming I even want advice as opposed to just a listening ear)? Also, don’t tell a ranting person that they’re pouting, whining or negative- it’s invalidating and implies there’s something wrong with having a particular emotion. If you communicate to someone that it’s wrong to have an emotion, they will internalize their feelings and shut down. They won’t speak on or express it at all. So, now they’ll be pretending to be happy and deal with frustration privately (this can be especially dangerous if you’re dealing with a person with depression). It’s my party and I can cry if I want to.
3/2/12 11:32am
I CANNOT STAND IT when people will not let you acknowledge your sadness, anger or irritation. It INFURIATES me when I’m ranting about something or say I’m having a so-so day and people AUTOMATICALLY respond to my statement(s) with something like “it could always be worse,” “just be grateful you have another day” or “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and proceed to tell me I’m being negative, pouting or whining. THAT’S SO FREAKIN’ INVALIDATING! Furthermore, yes, it can always be worse, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the current situation sucks. Even if I make lemonade, the stuff is still going to taste sour. If someone survives a mugging at gun point, it could’ve been worse by them losing their life, but it doesn’t change the fact that a mugging is a traumatic, awful experience AND you’ve lost your belongings. If you want to help me the see the light at the end of the tunnel or feel hopeful, how about you let me rant, say “yeah, that really freakin’ sucks” and THEN offer some type of solution? And when you offer an anecdote, how about it be one that doesn’t involve me acting like the situation isn’t so bad (ex. “it could always be worse”, assuming I even want advice as opposed to just a listening ear)? Also, don’t tell a ranting person that they’re pouting, whining or negative- it’s invalidating and implies there’s something wrong with having a particular emotion. If you communicate to someone that it’s wrong to have an emotion, they will internalize their feelings and shut down. They won’t speak on or express it at all. So, now they’ll be pretending to be happy and deal with frustration privately (this can be especially dangerous if you’re dealing with a person with depression). It’s my party and I can cry if I want to.
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