A friend and I were talking about how since we started college, our parents have gradually ceased to parent us. You would think that we would be happy about this, considering we spent most of our adolescence hungering for autonomy, but our parents have gone from one extreme to the other. They went from borderline over-involvement to nearly none at all. At a time in our lives where the term “quarter-life crisis” is applicable, some of us 20-somethings would appreciate a moderate amount of guidance and input from our parents. Growing up, my parents always used to say “I know better than you; I’ve been there and done that.” Now that I want some of that “been there and done that” perspective, I’m not getting it; even when I blatantly ask for it. When I ask for advice, my parents sometimes glaze over it or give a generalized answer.
I think this issue occurs because our parents incorrectly assume that the 20’s are seamlessly easy or that we don’t need or desire their input because we’re now self-sufficient young adults. The lack of advice may also be a result of simply not knowing what to suggest (major generational or cultural differences may be a contributor). Either way, this drastic reduction in parental counsel is not working and can lead to communication issues between parents and their adult children. If you haven’t already, I encourage you 20-somethings to address this problem with your parents. Don’t be afraid or too prideful to ask for a little more input or support. If you’ve unsuccessfully attempted to address it, go back and analyze how you approached the discussion; approach affects results. If you’re confident in your approach and still don’t have the results you desire, you may have to seek support from another source, such as a counselor or a different relative. Good luck finding resolve.
I think this issue occurs because our parents incorrectly assume that the 20’s are seamlessly easy or that we don’t need or desire their input because we’re now self-sufficient young adults. The lack of advice may also be a result of simply not knowing what to suggest (major generational or cultural differences may be a contributor). Either way, this drastic reduction in parental counsel is not working and can lead to communication issues between parents and their adult children. If you haven’t already, I encourage you 20-somethings to address this problem with your parents. Don’t be afraid or too prideful to ask for a little more input or support. If you’ve unsuccessfully attempted to address it, go back and analyze how you approached the discussion; approach affects results. If you’re confident in your approach and still don’t have the results you desire, you may have to seek support from another source, such as a counselor or a different relative. Good luck finding resolve.
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