Something that’s been bugging me lately about some of those who have excelled in their career field or achieved their respective goals is they shoo away those that are up and coming and seeking their advice. As my graduation date approached, I sought the assistance of experienced individuals in the field of psychological counseling to see what I could do with my impending master’s degree that DIDN’T involve crisis therapy. Majority of the individuals I spoke with were either too busy, told me they didn’t know what to tell me (without naturally referencing me to someone who might know the answer), or gave the impression they didn’t want to be bothered. These were the same individuals who’d insist that adamant students seek help. It was very frustrating. 

A friend of mine who was aspiring to start a makeup line emailed a young CEO of a burgeoning company. Even after several attempts, he never heard back from her. Another friend sought the advice of a record label A&R (artists & repertoire) rep; no answer after multiple messages. Both friends concluded that the professionals didn’t help them because they view the aspiring as competition. The most disappointing example of a rudely ignored request was when a third friend of mine asked an older gay man that he personally knew and respected how he came to define his sexuality because he was questioning his own. The man ignored his message for a month. When sent a second message: “Hello?,” the man replied that he didn’t share personal details with others. My friend was fine with the man declining to share, but told him he would’ve appreciated it if the man had said that a month ago instead of disregarding the message. The man didn’t respond.

What agitates me the most about this type of behavior is that no one is born a butterfly. We all have to be caterpillars first. No one comes out of the womb walking. We all have to crawl before we walk. Most professionals and older adults are familiar with the challenges of being at a developmental career or life stage and needed guidance or help to succeed, so when they snub others, it infuriates me. I would expect them to be more understanding, sympathetic and helpful. Part of the reason why our society remains ignorant is because people aren’t willing to spread the wisdom and knowledge that they’ve acquired. Part of the reason why people feel so isolated in their struggles is because they don’t know of others that can relate. If someone seeks your counsel and they desire to follow in your footsteps or take a similar path, first, be flattered that they view you as a successful, viable source of information. Then humble yourself and offer assistance. Don’t view the aspiring as competition; those you help will have fond memories of your contribution and will often support you when needed. Make some type of impact on society and help someone come from crawling to walking.

First, let me say that I have NEVER been married and the following article is JUST A THOUGHT. NOT gospel. NOT truth. There’s your disclaimer.

What if married couples had separate bedrooms? I think it might be a good idea. Marriage comes with enough of its own challenges and stressors without having to share a bedroom and blend two very personal living dynamics. You can keep the lights on and go to bed at any hour, hog bed sheets and closet space, snore, play music whenever, masturbate without having a discussion or audience and be messy or clean at your own leisure and discretion. I know the idea of a married couple living in separate bedrooms is unorthodox and may sound awkward, but think about it: As a minor, you CAN’T WAIT to turn 18 or go to college so that you can live and operate as you please without having to ask permission. Then, as a college student, you CAN’T WAIT to get out of a shared dorm and have an apartment so you don’t have to compromise every little aspect of your life, like listening to the radio versus the television.  You get your 1st apartment with a room-mate and you think having separate bedrooms is the perfect solution, until you get to arguing about dishes in the sink and significant others wearing out their welcome.  Finally, you get a place by yourself, you’re walking around naked and you’re in HEAVEN.  Now, all of that has to change because you’ve gotten married. You have to go back to sharing all of your space and property with another person. FOR AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE. Ugh.

Being married with separate bedrooms makes the “1st apartment with a room-mate” scenario slightly more ideal. Your spouse has more common with you than a random room-mate or friend (I would think), walking around naked is still an option, and there’s no such thing as a significant other wearing out their welcome. Another major plus to having separate bedrooms is that when you get angry or just need some quiet “me” time to relax, you can. When you want to be in each other’s faces, convene in the living room or play “my room or yours?”  Not with separate bedrooms? Well, what about separate bathrooms, at least?  I’m a huge believer in separate bathrooms; it can save ANY type of relationship or living situation. People are pickier about their bathrooms than anything else, which makes sense considering it’s the most intimate space in a home. You do things no one else is supposed to see in the bathroom. No two people have the same lavatory life; it’s meant to live separately. One of my friends used to fuss at me because I left the shower curtain open when I spent the night. I’d be mad because the tub wasn’t clean when I got there.  What’s a big deal to one person is small to another. Moral to my story, I think it’s healthy for a couple to create some type of individual space in their home, because after all, we all like to have the convenience of doing things unapologetically our way some time. If you’re wealthy enough, you can have your own wing lol. What do you guys think?