J.Says Online
  • Home
  • Entertainment
    • THE J. LIST
    • J.LIST BLOG
    • GENERAL HOSPITAL
  • Seriously Beyonce`, WTH?!?
  • Society/Culture
  • So This is Life?
    • J.Says Daily
    • J.Says & the "Quarter-Life Crisis"
  • Contact/ Info
  • Feedback

Women & Masturbation

3/27/2012

2 Comments

 
Picture
I noticed that most of the women I know are either uncomfortable with the concept of masturbation, don’t do it, have never done it, or don’t find it satisfactory. Some also have expressed difficulty defining or articulating what they would prefer during a sexual encounter. I think this is the result of unwritten gender-biased societal “rules” about sexuality. We live in a society where it’s okay for women to be sexually exploited, but not sexually empowered. As women, we are taught that sex is only for men to enjoy and we should always be the happy executors of it. This belief is part of the reason why marital rape is responded to cavalierly and why most women’s magazines regularly  have articles on how to please your man, while men’s magazines rarely have reciprocating content. Additionally, we’re taught men are the sole source of our sexual pleasure, if any, and to seek out any other channels is maladaptive. It’s considered so maladaptive, severe resentment can sometimes rear its ugly head. Lesbians, who definitely don’t look to men for sexual appeasement, are often the victims of this resentment. Sexual abuse research indicates that a number anti-gay hate crimes involve sexual assault and lesbians are sexually victimized at higher rate than gay men. Internationally, lesbian “corrective rape” is currently sweeping Africa. On a less extreme note, some men find it angering and/or insulting that some women prefer masturbation or using sexual toys (either solo or during sexual contact) over intercourse (4 out of 10 women who masturbate prefer the act over sex). 

Picture
Women's mags are full of 'please your man'; see any 'please your woman' headlines on Maxim?
When it comes to sex, women are generally placed into two paradigms that make it all the more clear that sex isn’t supposed to be for women: the sexually chaste and/or inept “good girl” and the sexually active/or promiscuous “whore.” I talked about these paradigms in relation to women in music. These inflexible categories leave women sexually powerless; they’re expected to either be ignorant to sex or offer free-for-all access. No one wants to be oblivious or a “whore.” The strict options have made defining sexual empowerment murky, in my opinion. Does empowerment mean promiscuity without judgment? Being more dominant than a man in the bedroom? Or does it just mean being sexually knowledgeable? All of these factors I feel influence women’s willingness and comfort level with masturbation. We’re not supposed to touch ourselves. Even as children, a male toddler toying with his penis is considered funny, natural and expected, while a female toddler’s hand gets smacked away if she touches her vagina.

If able to ‘de-program’ from the social conditioning, masturbation can be quite the reward. Self-exploration can obviously help in discovering preferences for sexual interaction and can be self-empowering. If you’re able to satisfy yourself, pleasure won’t be completely contingent on having a partner, male or female. You won’t be sitting frustrated with pent up energy because you’re not able to have sex for whatever reason. Another person won’t own or control your sexual gratification. For all the single gals, I notice that partner-contingence can lead to a lot of trouble and drama that can be eliminated with a little “DJ dittles,” as comedian Dane Cook would say. There’s no waking up and realizing you now have conflicted feelings over someone who was supposed to be an f-buddy, no spreading yourself around, no guys or gals feeling entitled to have sex with you at any time and no staying with people you really don’t want to be with because the sex is good. Plus, hands or sexual toys will never get you pregnant, give you a STD, cheat, try to “get the milk for free,” lie, disrespect you, or selfishly be concerned with its own pleasure. Hands and toys always go where you want them to go, stay where you want them to stay and do what you want them to do- no questions asked or objections offered. You can manipulate when they leave, arrive, stop and start (some toys have multiple speeds and attachments-what human can do that?). You also don’t have to shave or get new lingerie to impress them. Last, but not least, you can also guarantee their cleanliness. 
Picture
Marriage: often called the 'old ball & chain'
*Note: I do want to mention that there are also sexual paradigms for men. While they may not seem as extreme or constrictive, they can make life difficult for men who are virgins, chaste or selective with their sexual activity. Predominant male paradigms are the “virgin loser” and the “player.”In our world, the frequency of sexual encounters is associated with man-hood or masculinity. If you choose to be sexually chaste or remain a virgin, you’re assumed to be homosexual or viewed as a “loser,” unattractive or less-than. Men criticize you and some women will be reluctant to date you because they assume you will under-perform when you do have sex (I’m not sure how these paradigms apply, if it all, in male to male relationships). The promiscuous “player” is revered by male counterparts because he easily gains the attention or intimacy of women, and women are drawn to him because he’s typically charming, well-liked and “experienced.” The favorability of the “player” model is debatably why some men avoid relationship commitment or view it as imprisoning, suffocating, or “punkish.” Moreover, have shallow relationships attained from and based on manipulation. One of the more harmful results of these paradigms is that male self-concept, self-worth and self-esteem is reduced to being defined by penis size. 

2 Comments
Crystal D.
3/27/2012 11:32:12 pm

My husband asked me about this when we first got married. I think one reason fewer women do may be because sex is more of an emotional thing for us. Without the relationship, it doesn't mean anything. Emotions matter a lot. When I am mad at my husband I definitely don't feel like messing aroud, but when he complements my cooking or says I'm beautiful, he suddenly gets a whole lot sexier.

Reply
Sereth Wynters
8/12/2012 05:50:50 am

I cannot agree more! If you let someone have control of your sexual satisfaction you NEED to get things prioritized. I mean why would you restrict yourself of something that is human nature? Both partner should experiment and teach each other in bedroom it will lead to a healthy sex life. I do not understand people who fall for those player type guys. It doesn't make sense! Why can't people wait until they are in a serious relationship so they can foreplay? I'm so annoyed now LOL

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture

    Society/Culture

    My personal commentary on politics, race, gender, religion, social class, news media and several other things related to our society and culture.

    Note: Occasionally, other individuals will be writing posts and they will be marked as such. Want to be contributor for this section of the site? Click the "Contact/Info" tab and fill out the form to apply.

    Archives

    May 2014
    August 2013
    July 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    June 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    November 2009
    October 2009
    June 2009

    Picture
    Picture
    Click to support a cause

    Tags/Categories

    All
    18 20 Yr Olds
    18 20yr Olds
    50 Shades Of Grey
    Abortion
    Abstinence
    Abuse
    Activism
    Alexandra Wallace
    Arizona
    Bad Boys
    Barack Obama
    Beauty
    Birth Control
    Black Community
    Black Hair
    Books
    Bullying
    Bush
    C.Dyer
    C.G. Seymore
    Christianity
    Classism
    College Life
    Contributing Writers
    Corporate America
    Crime
    Cultural Egocentricism
    David Petraeus
    Debates
    Demi Lovato
    Depression
    Disabled Community
    Donald Sterling
    Education
    Employment
    Entertainment
    Evil
    Feminism
    Foreign Affairs
    Gender
    Gender Roles
    Hair
    Hate
    Healthcare
    Humanity
    Human Nature
    Immigration
    Independence
    Infidelity
    Iran
    Jersey Shore
    John Mayer
    Jordin Sparks
    Journalism
    Justin Bieber
    Lasheena Allgood
    Law Enforcement
    Lgbt
    Life Choices
    Marriage
    Media
    Men
    Morals
    NBA
    Oil Leak
    Parenting
    Partisanship
    Petraeus
    Political Cartoons
    Politics
    Politics On Facebook
    Pornography
    Race Relations
    Racism
    Rape
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reusable Coffee Cups
    Reusable Cold Beverage Cups
    Rihanna
    Rolling Stone
    Rush Limbaugh
    September 11th
    Sex
    Sexism
    Social Awareness
    Social Media
    Society & Culture On Twitter
    Suicide
    Taylor Swift
    Teens
    Teen Violence
    Terrorism
    Toxic Relationships
    Video Blogs
    Voting
    V. Stiviano
    War
    Workforce
    Youth

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.