Some might not find the above examples concerning, but I find them alarming because of the nature of the bullying attacks; systematic, violent and deliberate. Their violent endeavors aren’t the only thing that worries me. In the midst of promoting this site, I’ve come in contact with a lot of people between the ages of 13-17. Many of them seem to be in crisis. In one week, I came a across a 13-year-old who was concerned about her boyfriend’s distrust of her after her miscarriage and 2 older teens struggling with self-harm, eating disorders and depression. Collectively, these problems are nothing new under the teen sun. However, they seem to be more intense than before. Parents are typically automatically blamed for negative youth trends, but considering the mass affect, they can’t all be poor parents. I’m not an educator, youth counselor, teen or parental figure, so I have no direct, experiential theories on why these behavioral patterns have developed. Any ideas, folks?
Demi Lovato's so-called "fat" photo What the heck is going on with today’s youth?!! It appears that this generation is one of violence, self-destruction and cruelty. There are ticking time-bombs. If you follow pop-culture media, you might have heard how thousands of young people sent attacking personal messages to Disney-affiliated singer/actress Demi Lovato, 19, via the social-networking site, Twitter, telling her she looked “fat” at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards. What made this attack especially heinous was that Lovato has suffered from an eating disorder. On the same site, Lovato’s pal and fellow Disney alum, Selena Gomez, received death threats from jealous fans of her current boyfriend, pop-star Justin Bieber. Bieber fans also sent violent messages to Esperanza Spalding, the recording artist who won “Best New Artist” over Bieber at the Grammys in February. Threats from today’s pre-teens and teens cannot be taken idly. Over the last 3 years, reports of suicides and deaths resulting from bullying in all forms (physical, mental and cyber) have been constant and rising. Bullying has also been linked to self-injurious behavior and eating disorders. Early sexual behaviors, teen pregnancy and substance abuse remain issues amongst adolescents.
Some might not find the above examples concerning, but I find them alarming because of the nature of the bullying attacks; systematic, violent and deliberate. Their violent endeavors aren’t the only thing that worries me. In the midst of promoting this site, I’ve come in contact with a lot of people between the ages of 13-17. Many of them seem to be in crisis. In one week, I came a across a 13-year-old who was concerned about her boyfriend’s distrust of her after her miscarriage and 2 older teens struggling with self-harm, eating disorders and depression. Collectively, these problems are nothing new under the teen sun. However, they seem to be more intense than before. Parents are typically automatically blamed for negative youth trends, but considering the mass affect, they can’t all be poor parents. I’m not an educator, youth counselor, teen or parental figure, so I have no direct, experiential theories on why these behavioral patterns have developed. Any ideas, folks?
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I didn’t plan on writing a detailed anniversary article for today. Topics or issues that evoke a lot of sensitive emotions are difficult for me to write about sometimes. I just thought I’d briefly acknowledge and mention condolences, but…it doesn’t seem “right” to do that, so I’m just going to speak from my heart and memory. I just turned 16 when the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. I was in Mrs. Craig’s choir class. We were of course having song practice, when all of the sudden, an administrator came to the room. With the administrator privately speaking with Mrs. Craig for several minutes, we students began to shoot the breeze. Eventually, she came back in the room with this stunned and frozen look. “They want us to turn on the TV,” she said. There the twin towers were, burning…smoking. We all thought a plane had accidentally crashed. Being the self-absorbent teens we were, we just said “Whoa, that’s crazy,” and kept socializing. As the school day went by, it slowly but surely occurred to us that something more was awry, as many teachers halted class and some students were in frantic fear that their traveling or New Yorker loved ones were in danger or harmed. Some teachers tried to keep students calm by maintaining normalcy and continuing with class. Others kept the TV on and gave students the option to sit in hallway if the images were too difficult to watch. What’s odd is that I can recall other’s reactions fairly well, but not my own. I can’t remember if I stayed in class, or went in the hallway…I don’t know. One of my more distinct memories is how we were all in the history room at some point, and when a group of kids busted out in laughter from their own casual conversation, a student yelled “What are you doing?!! Do you not understand what’s going on? This is us!! Us!!,” as she pointed to the screen and the tumbling towers. It was in that moment I looked up at the television and realized I missed something. It has always taken me a while to absorb system-shocking events. I never have an initial grief reaction. I just go into this numb state. Then in the days and weeks to come, I start to feel what’s happened in an excruciating way. I went to bed on the night of 9/11, watching the news and thinking “they’re still reporting on this. This isn’t going to go away. This nightmare that looks like a scene out of an alien-takeover movie is….real….” Once the horror and the magnitude of the attacks set in…it was just another reason for me to question the nature of man, and why evil, sin and human suffering exists. I further wondered about this subject as fear-based prejudice and racism against Middle Eastern-Americans stewed, and multitudes of men and women my age died in the subsequent wars declared by President Bush. These and other events (such as the precautionary Spring 2003 cancellation of my senior class trip to Disney World and the death of Osama Bin Laden in 2011) kept me from staying numb with September 11th. It seemed as if I was never going to be able to let it go or get away from it. I never wanted to let it in. I never wanted to try to comprehend it. It was just too much. Even now, being bombarded with anniversary media…it’s hard to take for hours on end. It’s a memory I don’t want to relive, and yet at the same time, I have a need to force myself into commemoration. Why? So I can say to the surviving loved ones of those that perished: “You are STILL and always will be in my prayers. You haven’t been forgotten.” I'm going to make this short and sweet. So with the rising popularity of Republican election candidates, political media suggest that there's a high chance Obama will not have a second term. Many have complained that Obama just isn't getting the job done and a new president is the answer. None of the problems Obama has to tackle happened overnight, so they're not going to get fixed overnight. If we get a new president, he or she isn't going to magically fix everything in one term either. That's the real tea. "The Devil Wears Prada's" unhelpful boss Something that’s been bugging me lately about some of those who have excelled in their career field or achieved their respective goals is they shoo away those that are up and coming and seeking their advice. As my graduation date approached, I sought the assistance of experienced individuals in the field of psychological counseling to see what I could do with my impending master’s degree that DIDN’T involve crisis therapy. Majority of the individuals I spoke with were either too busy, told me they didn’t know what to tell me (without naturally referencing me to someone who might know the answer), or gave the impression they didn’t want to be bothered. These were the same individuals who’d insist that adamant students seek help. It was very frustrating. A friend of mine who was aspiring to start a makeup line emailed a young CEO of a burgeoning company. Even after several attempts, he never heard back from her. Another friend sought the advice of a record label A&R (artists & repertoire) rep; no answer after multiple messages. Both friends concluded that the professionals didn’t help them because they view the aspiring as competition. The most disappointing example of a rudely ignored request was when a third friend of mine asked an older gay man that he personally knew and respected how he came to define his sexuality because he was questioning his own. The man ignored his message for a month. When sent a second message: “Hello?,” the man replied that he didn’t share personal details with others. My friend was fine with the man declining to share, but told him he would’ve appreciated it if the man had said that a month ago instead of disregarding the message. The man didn’t respond. What agitates me the most about this type of behavior is that no one is born a butterfly. We all have to be caterpillars first. No one comes out of the womb walking. We all have to crawl before we walk. Most professionals and older adults are familiar with the challenges of being at a developmental career or life stage and needed guidance or help to succeed, so when they snub others, it infuriates me. I would expect them to be more understanding, sympathetic and helpful. Part of the reason why our society remains ignorant is because people aren’t willing to spread the wisdom and knowledge that they’ve acquired. Part of the reason why people feel so isolated in their struggles is because they don’t know of others that can relate. If someone seeks your counsel and they desire to follow in your footsteps or take a similar path, first, be flattered that they view you as a successful, viable source of information. Then humble yourself and offer assistance. Don’t view the aspiring as competition; those you help will have fond memories of your contribution and will often support you when needed. Make some type of impact on society and help someone come from crawling to walking. First, let me say that I have NEVER been married and the following article is JUST A THOUGHT. NOT gospel. NOT truth. There’s your disclaimer. What if married couples had separate bedrooms? I think it might be a good idea. Marriage comes with enough of its own challenges and stressors without having to share a bedroom and blend two very personal living dynamics. You can keep the lights on and go to bed at any hour, hog bed sheets and closet space, snore, play music whenever, masturbate without having a discussion or audience and be messy or clean at your own leisure and discretion. I know the idea of a married couple living in separate bedrooms is unorthodox and may sound awkward, but think about it: As a minor, you CAN’T WAIT to turn 18 or go to college so that you can live and operate as you please without having to ask permission. Then, as a college student, you CAN’T WAIT to get out of a shared dorm and have an apartment so you don’t have to compromise every little aspect of your life, like listening to the radio versus the television. You get your 1st apartment with a room-mate and you think having separate bedrooms is the perfect solution, until you get to arguing about dishes in the sink and significant others wearing out their welcome. Finally, you get a place by yourself, you’re walking around naked and you’re in HEAVEN. Now, all of that has to change because you’ve gotten married. You have to go back to sharing all of your space and property with another person. FOR AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE. Ugh. Being married with separate bedrooms makes the “1st apartment with a room-mate” scenario slightly more ideal. Your spouse has more common with you than a random room-mate or friend (I would think), walking around naked is still an option, and there’s no such thing as a significant other wearing out their welcome. Another major plus to having separate bedrooms is that when you get angry or just need some quiet “me” time to relax, you can. When you want to be in each other’s faces, convene in the living room or play “my room or yours?” Not with separate bedrooms? Well, what about separate bathrooms, at least? I’m a huge believer in separate bathrooms; it can save ANY type of relationship or living situation. People are pickier about their bathrooms than anything else, which makes sense considering it’s the most intimate space in a home. You do things no one else is supposed to see in the bathroom. No two people have the same lavatory life; it’s meant to live separately. One of my friends used to fuss at me because I left the shower curtain open when I spent the night. I’d be mad because the tub wasn’t clean when I got there. What’s a big deal to one person is small to another. Moral to my story, I think it’s healthy for a couple to create some type of individual space in their home, because after all, we all like to have the convenience of doing things unapologetically our way some time. If you’re wealthy enough, you can have your own wing lol. What do you guys think? There are many reasons why people get upset when they see those of their ethnicity in relationships with others. Some are prejudice or have issues with interracial dating in general. Others have a problem with those that EXCLUSIVELY date outside of their race. Race-based dating exclusivity communicates to those of your own culture that they’re not good enough for you and that there’s something wrong with them. That’s hurtful. It’s like you’re disavowing your own culture. You might ask “what’s wrong with having a preference?” exclusively dating one race is PASSED a preference. Exclusivity is strict and unwavering. Exclusivity is “I ONLY date__________ people.” As a black woman, I’ve come across many black men who only date Caucasian, Asian, or Hispanic women for various reasons such as “I’m not attracted the features of black women,”“black women have bad attitudes” and “I haven’t had good experiences with black women.” When physical features are mentioned, it perplexes me because most people of the same race have similar features. It makes me want to ask “Are you not attracted to yourself then?” Also, their mothers, sisters and cousins are black women with “those features.” Do they think their family is ugly too? They came from a black woman and yet, a black woman isn’t suitable enough to date. As for “bad attitudes,” bad apples are on every tree. ANY person of ANY race can have a bad attitude. “Bad experiences” may be the result of not surrounding yourself with quality black women. Taking another look at exclusivity rationales, statements like “they have bad attitudes” or “I’ve had bad experiences with them” are based on stereotypes and unjust bias. Are you really going to judge an ENTIRE race of people because of a small few? Majority of race-based dating choices link back to stereotypes, unjust bias, prejudice and/or racism. One has to analyze what thoughts or feelings lead to dating preferences and exclusivity based on ethnicity. People usually make preferences because of things they don’t like. I prefer to date someone who enjoys Beyonce` versus hates Beyonce`, because those that are anti-Beyonce` tend to annoy me. So what is it that you don’t like about a certain race that you prefer another? And what is the root of your dislike? Are you sure that it isn’t a stereotype or prejudice? I have a few different reasons of why I don’t care for pornography, but my central beef is that it’s very one sided. Let’s face it; most pornography is designed to attract and entertain men. The issue with this is that if it caters to one audience, what a person is going to view will primarily be from one perspective. Sex is a SHARED experience. It takes two people to have sex and both partners desire satisfaction, regardless of their gender. That being said, our sexual media should be more inclusive. Men tend to internalize what they see in pornography, and if porn is one sided, they’ll be bringing that one-sided perspective to the bedroom. NO GO. That doesn’t work. Am I the only one that feels this way? To find out what my other (and more graphic) beefs are with porn, hit the “Contact/Info” tab and I’ll gladly email you back and tell you lol. It used to upset me when politicians say bigoted or hateful things about various groups of people, but now I can appreciate blatantly prejudice remarks, because at least I know where that specific politician stands. When politicians try to disguise or sugarcoat their biased views, I think it’s that much more insulting because now you’re lying, trying to deceive people and cowardly hiding your opinion. Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam signed a law that would prohibit local governments from creating their own anti-discrimination laws. This decision came after the city of Nashville formed an ordinance that restricts employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Haslam’s spokesman, David Smith, told “The Tennessean”: “Through the legislative process, (Haslam) expressed concerns about the state telling local governments what to do, but he also had concerns about local governments telling businesses what to do, especially the potential burden on small businesses…Ultimately, he felt the Metro ordinance went further than federal law in regulating business policies.” Not only was Haslam too much of a coward to address “The Tennessean” himself, he hid his prejudice against the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community under the guise of protecting businesses from government. He’s concerned about “local government telling businesses what to do?” Really? There are multiple state laws that “tell businesses what to do,” including not discriminating based on sex and race, among other things. Why have anti-discrimination laws for one group, but not another? Oh, I remember, because Haslam is prejudice against the LGBT community. I would slightly respect Haslam more if had a just came out and said “I think businesses should be able to not hire a homo if they don’t want to.” Be ballsy with your homophobia, please. On another note, when it comes to LGBT employment discrimination, we have slightly bigger fish to fry as a culture. As it currently stands, there are no nationwide anti-discrimination employment laws for this community. That means, unless you have an awesome lawyer and a supportive court, you’re going to have a hard time obtaining damages as a victim. For all of those bigots out there, that fact is a gift. For those who believe in human rights, support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), a circulating congress bill that has yet to pass. Singer Rihanna is a poster child for how we view and respond to abuse in this country. In her latest music video, “Man Down,” Rihanna is sexually assaulted and later shoots her attacker in the head. The Parents Television Council (PTC), along with organizations, Enough is Enough and Industry Ears, are petitioning to get the video pulled from television, citing that the murder sequence is too graphic (view the video below). Here are the official statements from the organizations: “Rihanna’s personal story and status as a celebrity superstar provided a golden opportunity for the singer to send an important message to female victims of rape and domestic violence. Instead of telling victims they should seek help, Rihanna released a music video that gives retaliation in the form of premeditated murder the imprimatur of acceptability. The message of the disturbing video could not be more off base…We call on Viacom to immediately stop airing the video.”-Melissa Henson, PTC’s director of communications and public education “‘Man Down’ is an inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song. In my 30 years of viewing BET, I have never witnessed such a cold, calculated execution of murder in primetime. Viacom’s standards and practices department has reached another new low”-Paul Porter, co-founder of Industry Ears and a former voice of BET. “…Today’s youth need more positive strategies for dealing with conflict than those portrayed in the Rihanna video. This video is one among several frequently played on Viacom music video networks that lyrically or graphically glorifies violence…” -Pastor Delman Coates, founder of the Enough Is Enough Campaign. My issue with these statements is that they seem to underscore the significance of the sexual assault, advocate for the perpetrator and wrongfully propose that Rihanna is promoting violence (The entire song lyrically expresses remorse, ex. “I didn't mean to end his life, I know it wasn't right, I can't even sleep at night, can't get it off my mind…”). Two of the three organizations failed to even mention that Rihanna’s character was victimized, nor did they take the time to advocate or express remorse for those in peril after an assault. Violence on television is one issue, but the organizations neglected to acknowledge or give value to another massive problem: rape. This negligence is an indicator of how our society ignores and/or rationalizes abuse, and the second time that Rihanna is at the center of a publicized instance. When she was battered by her then-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, in 2009, blog readers and some media suggested that Rihanna incited the attack; “she shouldn’t have been checking his phone and accusing him of anything,” “she was equally violent towards him; island people have tempers,” “she’s using this to sell records and get publicity.” One blog reader commented about “Man Down”: “she shouldn’t have been dancing so sexy with the guy; maybe he wouldn’t be so horny and rape her.” Now, not only is Rihanna someone that manipulated or deserved a physical beating, but she’s a promoter of violence and her video character is a cold-blooded killer. Why do we ignore and/or rationalize abuse? Men and women are societally-trained to believe that males are superior and women are inferior. The belief system is that women exist solely to be at men’s disposal. Men are such higher-form beings that they wouldn’t beat a woman without a good reason. In relation to sexual abuse, sex is an “essential need” for a man that must not ever be denied. And if women are sexy or alluring, it’s all to arouse men and they want to have sex. Our poor reaction to MALE VICTIMS is also a result of the belief that men are superior to women. It’s believed that if a male is abused physically or sexually by a woman, it’s because they allowed it to happen and you’re not a man if a woman can overpower you. In cases of same-sex abuse, biases about homosexuality come into play, exacerbating the situation. These attitudes and ideas prevent us from making efficient strides against abuse and providing useful supports for victims. Also, victims often don’t come forth because of our negative reactions. WAKE UP! |
Society/CultureMy personal commentary on politics, race, gender, religion, social class, news media and several other things related to our society and culture. Archives
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